I am Here in the World/I am the World

(dedicated to Colin Harrison who created the conditions in which this postcard was born)

I am here – 
It has taken a long time to be able to say that,
with truth and conviction,
with simple:

I am here in the world

I got lost, tangled, and trapped in the tangled…
my weary head exploding with ideas
about what should and shouldn’t be

I didn’t know, until I did, that I have always been Here
Waiting. Lonely. Uncertain. Longing.

Of course, it is never one Hollywood Homecoming,
but a series of small recognitions, whispered welcomes,
tiny out-breaths of relief

I keep coming Home, and sometimes my knees bleed
My heart kisses those knees

I am not only in the world
I am the World
I am kinship
I am every speck of everything
I am the killer and the killed,
the helpless and the dictator
I am the brightest light
and the darkest night

I am screaming, pleading, begging for mercy,
I am deaf to it all

I am fuck you, fuck off, fuck everything,
kill everything, give up on everything
I am hate – murderous, weapons of mass destruction hate,
stamp on, stamp it all to extinction hate

I am the child that wanted to die
and wanted to kill, from that terrible place
of Helpless

What if all the killers were once that child
and we grow from that ground,
the ground below that
and build systems, armies, ideas
that separate each one of us, from ourselves
and each-other?

And this precious, ravaged land is dying
because we just don’t know anymore 
how not to be killers
how not to be separate

I am here
I am in the world
I am Home

The ‘welcome to it all’ mat is on the doorstep,
and sometimes I forget all of the above
safe (finally) in the knowledge that I will
remember again

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