to my self-help manual for living with defeat* 

Or, an anti-depressing depression blog. I wanted something and couldn’t find it, so this is me making it for myself.

Back in the not so distant, old days, I’d be writing into a notebook and blogging wasn’t a word as such. Now, I’m not entirely sure I understand what a blog is, who I’m talking to, or why I want to. Is blogging just out and out narcissism, or a jolly marvellous place to have a kind of conversation? And does it matter if I’m talking to my friends, their dogs, myself, or you?

So… I’m Caroline, and I live with depression (sounds like a housemate) am depressed (feels reductive) am a depressive… suffer with/from depression… have depression… depression has me… And while none of that really rolls off the tongue, it is more or less true. Depression and me are very old friends, in fact lifelong, and not always friends. Better friends these days, though.

If you find yourself here, by chance or intent, welcome, welcome… and if you’d like to respond to anything, or offer, or argue, or in any respectful way, contribute, I’d like that too.

with heartfelt thanks to Leonard Cohen for that gorgeous turn of phrase*